04/25/2003 - 2:00 p.m. | he's right, it's not

What a strong student. Ha. Leave me alone. At 3:30 today I have to be at IMPE for a promotion interview. At 4:00 today I have to be at CRCE for work. This doesn't seem entirely possible, but when I explained it the lady, she was like, "I can probably get you a ride or something." Oh, that's reassuring. All aboard the serial killer's van of death.

I'm so bored. Bored and yet I don't want to do anything. Especially around people. Well, maybe not so much that I don't want to, but I feel like I don't deserve to. I'm so bad at making conversation. Well, maybe I'm not even, but I think I am, so I don't say anything... and then there's silence and in a lot of cases, that's uncomfortable. So I wait for people to talk to me or I just point out stupid little observations or tell dumb stories or make bad jokes or I don't know what. Anyway, I don't feel as though I belong amongst people right now. I mean, I can keep myself plenty interested (with fun thoughts like these, who couldn't?!), but I feel like others would just be bored by me. And at the same time I have this stupid need for reassurance. Want people to talk to me, to ask me to do stuff. Makes me this huge hypocrite. I'm going to lie down. This isn't cool at all.